Mini R56 Cooper S JCW Stage 2

Published on 3 June 2023 at 19:35

The Porsche Cayenne Turbo is a beautiful car - it's fast, comfortable, well equipped, it's been very reliable. Only trouble is it's 16 MPG thirst - much less than that if you really start enjoying it. I decided a while back that it was just too dear to run, it's also too big for many of the car parks round here, where you are expected to drive a tiny little hatchback or to just buy a bicycle. Parts are ridiculously expensive and most of the garages won't even look at it, as I discovered when I needed the transmission fluid changed. With much regret I decided the time was right to look for something else. I sat down and wrote out my list of must haves - it had to be quick, with air con, leather interior, small but with fold down seats for the occasional trip dahn sarf and above all it had to be fun.

I struggled for a while but ebay and alcohol make a wonderful combination and one car on there really took my eye and it was only 50 miles away in sunny Cleethorpes. When I told Mrs about it she thought I had gone mad at first but as I told her more about it she saw my reasoning and because she hates to see me crying she went along with my stupidity.


What I have ended up with is a very heavily breathed upon Mini Cooper s - the R56 1.6 litre turbo charged turbo nutter bastard of a thing. This one has been heavily breathed upon and now has a dyno confirmed 230 BHP and 318 Nm torque. That's up from the 160 BHP and 240 Nm it left the factory with. The list of mods is extensive, a full engine rebuild was done just 14k miles ago and all the usual reliability problems that these cars have are already addressed, documented and receipted.

Full spec for the tech heads amongst  you goes something like this:

Full JCW Bodykit,

JDMSpeed Ffront Mounted uprated intercooler

NeoBros JCW Turbo,

RamAir Induction with Imperial Performance uprated intake pipe,

Colder NGK Iridium Plugs (ILKR8E6),

MTC Motorsport Decat,

3” Gravity Performance non resonated exhaust system,

New rocker cover and pcv valve,

Monroe Shocks with Vogtland lowering springs all round,

Team Dynamics alloys wrapped in Toyo Proxes TR-1 (around 1.5k on them, lots of tread),

New OEM diverter valve,

Brembo discs and pads all round,

Adjustable drop links,

Rear seat delete,

Sony Bluetooth head unit,

Uprated speakers all round

It goes like a scalded cat, handles incredibly and sounds the mutts nuts. I haven't even put it in sports  mode yet but my God it's fun.

There is one small problem though in that it has been lowered by about 40mm all round. Now this makes it look fantastic, when you se it on the road it really does look good. The problem presented itself when Wifey - who drove the car home - tried to pilot it down what is left of our road. The farmers keep bringing bigger and bigger vehicles down it and the whole thing has now collapsed to the point where the little Mini's front bumper made intimate contact with the tarmac and pretty much marmalised itself. Wifey was understandably upset by this, she had just driven it 50 odd miles and loved every second of it - a bond had already formed. I think she thought I was going to be jolly batey but it wasn't her fault. I now need to un lower it- a set of springs is on order.

It's already had a wash, which has made it look better and worse  at the same time - it is now mainly splendid but there are some blemishes that the dirt was hiding - all that will get sorted, none of it is major. The plastic bits need some back to black or going over with a heat gun, the fog lights are proper nasty and some of the interior looks like a refresh would not go amiss. It wasn't expensive so all those things are fine and dandy.

I will update as time goes by but I think I am really going to enjoy this. Now I have to pluck up the courage  to sell the Porsche, not something I thought I would do but needs must.

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